My Mother's Day

First, I was awakened by my little guy, just like I am every morning. Judah is usually the first to rise, and he always stomps into our room and climbs into bed. On my side. Every time. Never wants to cuddle with anyone but Mommy. It's okay--he's quite the cuddler. Then Charlie quietly (which is more her way) tiptoes into the room and joins us in the bed, too. On my side, as well. So I entertain them for a while and then remember that it's Mother's Day and I get to sleep in if I want to. :) So I nudge Paul and ask if he would kindly enlist Charlie and Judah's help in the kitchen with Mother's Day breakfast in bed. Which he does.

I doze for about a half hour while Paul slaves away in the kitchen over fresh baked croissants with honey butter, scrambled eggs, perfectly crispy bacon, fresh berries, orange juice, and a cup of Irish breakfast tea. I'm sure the kids are helping, but all I can hear is giggling and occasional bickering. But I stay in bed, because I know Paul has it all under control. Breakfast was just lovely, eating alone in my bed and reading my new book, which was my gift from the family--The Handbook for Catholic Moms. I actually read a couple of chapters AND drank a cup of tea before it became cold!

We went to the later Sunday morning Mass so that we I could have a more leisurely morning than usual. It was nice. We ended up walking to church, since it was such a perfect day, and letting the kids play on the playground for a few minutes before the service. On our walk home, we retraced the path that I used to walk from the bus stop, back when I was a childless working woman in the city. The walk triggered my memory of those days, and I began to talk about what life was like when it was just Paul and me, before I was a mother. The days of office work, happy hours, last-minute weekend trips to the beach. I actually used to fix my hair EVERY DAY! While we were walking past our old condo--the one-bedroom on the second floor that we owned (and were perfectly happy with) before we learned of Charlie's existence--I pointed up to show the kids where we used to live. "Look! That's where Mommy and Daddy used to--"

"Hey, Mommy! Did you see that bumpy slide at the playground? It was so fun!"

Not only does she have no problem cutting me off while I'm on Memory Lane, but she has no idea that there was a life before she was born. As far as they know, we didn't even exist until they came around. There was no reason to, right?

It really is hard, though, to remember life before these guys. It feels like a lifetime ago. As if I'm remembering someone else's memories. Life was totally about Paul and me back then. We came and went whenever we want, slept as long as we wanted on the weekends, did pretty much whatever felt good at the moment. Now I can't even write this blog post without having to get somebody a drink of water or help settle an argument.

We came home from church, had a light lunch, and then headed outside to plant our little seedlings in pots to hopefully have the opportunity to nurture an abundant container garden of tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, and herbs. We had so much fun digging in the dirt and running away from the hose (this is how Paul gardens--chasing us with the hose).

We went out to dinner that night, though I wonder if we will next year. Mother's Day is really a crazy day to go out. No one wants Mom to have to cook on Mother's Day, but Mom really doesn't need to wait an hour for a table and then spend her entire dinner not only entertaining her own kids but having to endure listening to everyone else's kids be cranky and all that, does she? It's my fault--I really wanted to go out. But hopefully I'll remember next year that it's not all it's cracked up to be. :)

I spent the day completed delighted with my family. Life is certainly so different these days. I stay busy being at home, homeschooling, and making a peaceful environment for the family, with very little time to myself. It's really hard having to be "on" all the time. But life is so full, and I wouldn't want it any other way. These little guys are what I always wanted before I knew what I wanted. :) It isn't always so rosey (as I'm sure you know!), but if I weren't home with them like I am, I feel like I would miss so much. I'm so, so thankful for our simple life.

I'm also thankful for my own mother, who showed me what self-sacrifice is all about. She gave of herself every single day, and continues to do so, even though her children are all grown. Even when times were difficult, we always, always knew we were deeply loved. I hope that my own children will say this of me someday. Thanks, Mom, and happy Mother's Day (a few days late). :) Love you.

Springing forward

A few weeks ago, Paul was priveleged to travel a couple of days for work. He visited the district in SC that his boss represents--mainly the Columbia area--and toured several agricultural facilities like a cattle ranch, a farm, and the largest peach orchard in the Southeast. Ever since that trip, Paul has been reading and talking about supporting small farms and wanting to somehow be involved in community-supported agriculture. As a result, he and I spent some time with the kids over the weekend planting seeds for our first-ever container garden. We live in a small condo with not much direct sun, which is why we have never attempted a garden of any sort. But we started thinking that there's no reason we couldn't put a few things in pots and move them around where the sun is, right? Well, we're going to try it. So now we've got seeds for cherry tomatoes, basil, and cucumbers sprouting in egg cartons in the house. I have to move them from window to window during the day to make sure they're getting the sun they need. I also have a pot of cilantro outside, and just yesterday I gathered some seeds from a green pepper that I'd like to get started, too.

Paul shot this with his Blackberry yesterday morning. This is the cucumber growth just since Saturday!

There has been a lot of spring cleaning and nesting going on lately, too. I think the combination of the time of year and the time in my pregnancy has resulted in an obsession for me. :) I really like to clean already. But always, around 32 weeks, I get the bug to constantly organize, donate our unwanteds, clean, spruce up, etc., as if once the baby gets here the whole house has the potential to just fall apart. As much as I'd like to live in a larger space, having a small condo grants the opportunity to get it all done. In addition to cleaning, I've been able to make a few things like a new wreath and the bathroom curtains for which I've had fabric for about a year!

My front door spring wreath

We have been having such a beautiful spring seaason. Easter was just lovely, quietly celebrated at Mass with friends and then brunch afterwards. Our Lenten season was also very special, as I take inventory of everything going on in our family's life lately, and sort of streamline a bit. For Lent, in addition to giving up my late night snack (which I really don't need anyway but somehow always feel entitled to since I am, after all, pregnant), I focused on some wifely and motherly duties that sort of needed some "tightening up."

These ideas sound so archaic and repressive, in the modern world we live in. "Wifely duties." The duties that I've been working on are things like setting the table for dinner with a tablecloth (for example) and having family-style meals instead of fixing our plates in the kitchen and being sure to pick up the house, make the kids presentable, and fixing up myself with set hair and makeup before Paul comes home from work. I know these things might sound so silly to some people, but they have become very important to me. I feel like being in this mindset helps to create a place of peace. It's the little details that show a little more care, you might say. 

I'm also working on having a set time for prayer and quiet time, and especially praying for patience with the kids and Paul. It's not exactly natural for me to be patient. Being pregnant, mom to two, homeschooling, providing part-time childcare (just for a few more weeks!), handling almost all the household duties (Paul does do all the laundry, which is so great!), running a sewing business, and making sure to get the kids out of the house when I can, makes for very long days and not a lot of me-time, or God-time, for that matter. I do realize that it's a matter of priority, and if that means heading to bed earlier and actually setting an alarm clock, then it's what has to be done.

I love this time of year for the idea of waking up from the winter, shaking off the dust and cold, and preparing for the growth of summer. There is a feeling of potential in the air, and responsibility to cultivate that potential. So as we transplant our little seedlings, and I begin to close out this pregnancy, I'm praying that God will help me to always recognize what's most important--that while it's nice to have a clean, organized house, it's better to have children and a husband who are at peace, know they're loved, and are growing in God's grace. It seems that it's an ongoing prayer.

On a side note, my parents are giving me a camera soon, so I'll be able to get back to taking pictures and hopefully will then have more incentive to blog more often! Yay! :)

New at JoyfulGifts!

I'm working on some new gifts for Moms over at JoyfulGifts! Take a look at my handmade diaper clutch gift sets--I have 4-piece and 5-piece sets that are the PERFECT gift for a new mom, or just a mom that deserves some pampering. I'm also working on a brand new item--designer aprons! They will be made with some new fabrics by designers like Michael Miller, Amy Butler, and Alexander Henry.
All Mother's Day gifts are specially priced and will be shipped for free!
Take a look and let me know what you think, and be sure to come back again to see new inventory!

Blessed

I once heard that the human gestational period is 8 months and 2 years. So, as I'm tempted to write that I'm in the home stretch, having officially entered the third trimester, I won't. As fast as the last 6 months have flown by, I know these next 3 probably won't. But it's okay. I love being pregnant and will savor the time, growing belly and all.

I couldn't wait to show you the bedding that I made for our next little one. I'm very grateful that last summer I was commissioned to make a crib bedding set, because without that experience, I don't know that I would have taken on the task of making a set for my own baby! I'm really happy with the results. Thanks to Joy for taking the photos for me!

I wish that I could show you the whole room. This is just the baby's corner. On the other side of the room we have the big kids who sleep side by side on a daybed and a trundle bed that gets pushed underneath during the day. It's an excellent way to make space. We had originally wanted to get bunk beds, but the more we thought about Charlie's fear of heights coupled with Judah's lack of fear of heights, it just didn't make much sense. At any rate, we will have all three kiddos in one room, which I have absolutely no anxiety about whatsoever. ;)

So, things are moving along here. Charlie is about three-quarters of the way through her first year of school. She's doing so well, and I am so blessed to be her teacher. I know that all homeschooling parents wonder at times why we do what we do, but right now I know exactly why I'm doing this. Yesterday we spent the majority of our school day talking about gravity, which turned into a discussion on the planets and the universe, which developed into a discussion on God and His immense power. I don't know that a discussion like this would have ensued at a conventional kindergarten, and I'm so happy for the opportunity to participate in a learning experience like this. I'm trying to get a head start on preparations for next year, since I know that a large part of my summer will be spent babymooning. Charlie is becoming quite the little lady and ever the great helper. I'm so looking forward to seeing her at this age with a little baby!
I'm also working on preparations to start some Montessori work with Judah and will keep you posted. His new development is being able to dress himself. He's so happy with his accomplishment that he goes through "costume changes" several times a day! The only problem is that the only shirts that he can reach are his pajama shirts in his dresser drawer, so the child is constantly changing into pajamas. I want to encourage his autonomy, but it certainly makes for some extra laundry! He's such a silly kid. I know he'll be a great big brother, too.
I bought my first items for new baby (that's his/her name right now): a two-pack of gender-neutral sleep gowns and a few disposable diapers for the early days. Now I can start washing and putting things into the empty dresser beside the crib! This little one seems to be my most active baby yet, and I'm wondering if that's going to translate well once he or she is born. Dear God, we are begging for a child who sleeps well--maybe not at the very beginning, but maybe within a few months? :)
Of course, we know how incredibly blessed we are, regardless of the sleep issues we've had the last several years. Psalm 127:3 says, "Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him." It's such a different mindset from the typical modern view of children that makes them more of a burden than a blessing. We are so, so thankful. My prayer is that we always remember that. 

The Emerald Isle

I recently had the great pleasure of visiting my twin sister (and best friend) and her beautiful family in Ireland. I went solo (well, solo except for the baby in utero), which was hard for me, given that it was the first time I'd ever left the children, and the longest Paul and I had ever been apart. I cried buckets walking through security leaving Reagan National, and I'm pretty sure I almost attracted too much attention. Once I'd made it through my connection in JFK, I relaxed as I boarded the plane for the long flight over the ocean.

I was sooo happy to see my sister who drove with her baby early in the morning to pick me up at Shannon International Airport about an hour and a half away from her house in a pretty little town in the countryside of Ireland. During the week that I was there, we drove through the Gap of Dunloe and Connor Pass; walked the towns of Killarney, Dingle, Kenmare, and Tralee; and visited Muckross House and Ross Castle. Since I was there primarily to visit with some of my favorite people in the world, I wasn't terribly interested in spending all my time site-seeing, but I think we had a really nice balance of quality time and tourism. One of the highlights for me was having high tea with my sister at an Irish tearoom in Killarney. Of course I also enjoyed the many afternoons spent by the fire just hanging out with the family.

The view from Connor Pass, the highest mountains in Ireland

The view from Castlegregory

The girls scaling the walls of Ross Castle

Cindy and baby

The view from Muckross House

A traditional Irish breakfast, one of my favorite delicacies

The Irish breakfast upon leaving the restaurant :)

Guinness and Bailey's ice cream at the best ice cream place I've ever patronized

Taking a rest upon the altar of the largest stone circle in Western Ireland in the town of Kenmare

The girls dancing on the altar

Making homemade pierogies and pasta

Me and my Ireland-bred nieces

Posing with my sis under an archway at Ross Castle

Our impression of a mirror

I miss them all so much, but I was happy to get home to my own babies and Paul. It's hard to be separated from my twin over such a distance, but this world just isn't perfect. I keep thinking about the day when we will all be in Heaven and can spend eternity together. I am so thankful to have an identical twin and to have had the opportunity to spend a week with her.

Thank you to my mother-in-law who traveled to spend the week taking care of the kids while I was away, and for the friends who filled in the gaps for childcare, as well as my parents who helped with the cost that traveling incurred. It was a wonderful and relaxing trip!

I should have said "No"

So, I had a former friend accuse me of being a bad friend, of not making an effort to "be there" for her during the time of her recent wedding, and of making everything revolve around my children.
Excuse me, but THEY ARE MY CHILDREN. Not some random people that live in my house that I can sort of care for if I feel like it or if the bride-to-be feels that she has had enough doting for one day and can allow someone else to have some attention.
And why do brides always feel like EVERYone in the world needs to feel the same way about their wedding as they do? I mean, it's important to the bride, but people get married every day. It's a fun, big event, but does everyone need to drop everything and provide the proper amount of doting or else kiss the friendship goodbye? Geeze.
The problem here is that I was the only bridesmaid with children. There was one other bridesmaid that was very recently married, but no kids. I sort of felt like I was back in college in the "Oh-the-wedding-is-the-most-important-day-of-your-life" phase. But I'm so far past that, and no one else in the wedding party could relate. Well, there was one groomsman whose wife was about to have a baby. As a matter of fact, her due date was the day of the wedding. No kidding. Coincidentally, Paul and Judah and I were seated next to them at the rehearsal dinner, faaaaar across the room from the rest of the wedding party, where we enjoyed pleasant adult conversation about kids, etc., as opposed to the "man-I-was-so-wasted" conversation that was going on elsewhere.
I really should not have accepted the request to be in the wedding, knowing that I would likely have to bring the baby along, but we were close enough friends that I assumed she would understand. She had seen me parent my firstborn and knew exactly what kind of a breastfeeding, baby-wearing, co-sleeping attachment parent that I am. I figured that if she was asking me to not only attend the wedding but actually be a part of it, then she knew exactly what she was asking of me and also what I would need in return. Friendship is a two-way street, right? Oh wait. I guess that doesn't apply when one of the friends is a bride.
Judah was seven months old at the time of the wedding. I had hoped that he might take a bottle, but after many, many, MANY attempts at giving him one (using ALL the tricks in the book), the little guy always preferred the breast. I had also hoped that maybe he would be eating solids, but he didn't until he was over a year old. Knowing that there was going to be no way to feed the child while I would have to be away for at least 6 hours, we knew that we had to bring him along. It wasn't like we brought a toddler! We even hired a sitter for Charlie (even though I do not understand why people don't just allow kids at weddings--what event could be more family centered than a wedding, for crying out loud!).
Things actually went well. At least I'd thought they did. Paul dropped me off in the city early so that I could join the bride in her ritual of getting dressed and all that. He would then go home and get Judah and himself ready, greet the babysitter, and then head back to DC for the wedding, strolling the baby as he walked from a far-away parking place. He was a trooper and even kept Judah out of the ceremony, so that no one could complain about any imposition. Immediately after the ceremony I met Paul, grabbed Judah, and headed to the bride's dressing quarters to privately nurse the baby, again, so that no one could complain. Judah behaved very well during the reception and was even enjoyed by some. So, I really couldn't tell you what the problem was.
I hope that this post hasn't seemed too negative or complain-y. I'm just surprisingly very hurt at being accused of being a poor friend. I have always done everything in my power to hold onto friendships and show the people around me that they are loved. I have a few words of advice to offer, if you're still here.
If you are bride, you should know this: while you are trying on veils and tasting cakes, there are other people in the world who are doing other things. There are moms of small babies who are just trying to drag their tired bodies out of bed in the morning, wondering how on earth they are going to take care, not only of themselves, but also two (or more?) small kids for the whole day. Some of them may even be co-hosting a bridal shower despite their fatigue. There are even other brides who are doing the EXACT same thing that you are doing, but it's for their own weddings. And get this: they don't care about your wedding.
If you are a friend, you should know this: your friends have their own obligations, their own priorities. And it is impossible to understand a mother's priorities unless you have been a mother. I do have a handful of friends who are not parents but who are also very supportive, and I'm very thankful for them. But even they don't fully understand. If you have a friend who is a mother, please recognize that she may not "be there" for you the way your childless friends are, but she is probably doing all that she can to show you that she loves you. Just because she has little people at home that she needs to care for does not mean that she wouldn't, at times, rather be out at a party like all the "young folk." You see, she is probably feeling very torn about her old life v. her new life. It's not easy to have to be the grownup and learn to sacrifice to self. Not easy at all.
If you are a mom, you should know this: it is okay to say "No" once in a while. I thought that I could do both. I thought that I could raise my kids the way that I want to and also hang onto what I thought was a strong friendship by supporting my friend the best that I could. Now I see that it was not possible. Despite my tremendous effort, she feels it was not enough. I obviously could not give her the attention that she felt she deserved, even at the expense of my kids, and I'm very sorry that I even tried. I wonder if things would be any different had I never accepted the request to be a bridesmaid.
However, that is the only thing that I am sorry for. I'm not sorry for bringing my baby to the rehearsal dinner and wedding so that he could have some milk (the nerve of him), and I'm not sorry for missing the bride's shower for which I supplied all the food because I had come down with my third bout of mastitis in 7 months (the nerve of me). While I was unbelievably disappointed to have had to miss it, it was the only sensible choice I could have made. And I'm not sorry for defending myself and mothers everywhere.
Unfortunately I had no clue that I was being given an ultimatum. If forced to choose, I will ALWAYS choose my children. Any decent mother would.

Awesome giveaway!!!

I'm sharing a really awesome giveaway by a very talented photographer, Melody Yazdani, in the area. She took some INCREDIBLE photos of C and J a couple of years ago. Check it out!