Things I Never Thought I'd Say v. 2

I haven't posted these in a while, and I have a few recent additions, so I thought I'd post again. Please pass along any that you'd like to add! If you're not familiar (I'm sure you can figure it out, but), this is a running collection of ridiculous things that we moms and dads find ourselves saying to our very creative little ones. If you stop to think about some of the things that actually escape your lips (and your good sense, for that matter), it might go something like this:

• No, we don't want to eat the poopoo snakes.
• Get your hands out of your pants and eat your cereal.
• Hold on to your pee pee. I'm tired of cleaning pee off of everything.
• That's okay, honey. Thanks for helping, but Mommy can wipe her own bottom.
• Well, Momma is driving so wipe your boogy on your pants.
• [Said to the professor]: Excuse me a moment, I need to use the potty.
• No, Mommy doesn’t want to see how big your penis can get.
• Please don't pull on Mommy's pubic hair to get yourself up off the ground (said while changing clothes).
• Hand the poopy to Mommy.
• Mommy told you to stop hitting her booby with the duck. Now you have to leave the bathroom and let Mommy take a bath.
• Stop hitting me with your fork.
• Books do not go in the refrigerator.
• Who stuffed toilet paper down the sink drain?
• Stop wrapping your brother in tape.
• Bye-bye, poopoo!
• Don’t headbutt the baby.
• Don’t shoot the baby.
• Can you please just eat your boogers?
• No, please don't tear off my mole.
• That's enough with the acrobatic nursing; you're hurting my boobies.
• Get your shoe out of your mouth.
• Can you hold on a second? I think Clara has poop on her hand.
• Stop drinking out of the pirate’s head!
• Please stop dropping banana into Mommy’s shirt.
• That was so funny that if I hadn't been doing my pelvic floor exercises, I would have peed in my pants.
• I can't understand you while you're holding your tongue.
• I've told you I'm busy! I can't come eat you right now; you'll have to occupy yourself some other way until I am done!
• If you fling your panties around one more time and hit your food with them, you’re going to be put in timeout.
• No, I don’t want to suck on your fingers anymore.
• No barking at the dinner table.
• [Said father to son] No, No, No! It's not okay to hit other people's ding dongs!
• Then why do you have dried poop on your butt?