Friday, January 23, 2009

Things I Never Thought I'd Say

A long time ago, I started listening to the ridiculous things I was saying to my daughter as she grew. Eventually, I got around to keeping a list of "Things I Never Thought I'd Say." And then at some point, I extended an invitation to mom and dad friends for things they never thought THEY'd say. We parents do a lot of recording the funny stuff that comes out of our kids' mouths, but have you ever stopped to listen to yourself?

Here's what we have so far:

  • No, we don't want to eat the poopoo snakes.
  • Get your hands out of your pants and eat your cereal.
  • Hold on to your pee pee. I'm tired of cleaning pee off of everything.
  • That's okay, honey. Thanks for helping, but Mommy can wipe her own bottom.
  • Well, Momma is driving so wipe your boogy on your pants.
  • (Saying to the professor): excuse me a moment, I need to use the potty.
  • No, Mommy doesn’t want to see how big your penis can get.
  • Please don't pull on Mommy's pubic hair to get yourself up off the ground (said while changing clothes).
  • Hand the poopy to Mommy.
  • Mommy told you to stop hitting her booby with the duck. Now you have to leave the bathroom and let Mommy take a bath.
  • Stop hitting me with your fork.
  • Books do not go in the refrigerator.
  • Who stuffed toilet paper down the sink drain?
  • Stop wrapping your brother in tape.
  • Bye-bye, poopoo!
  • Don’t headbutt the baby.
  • Don’t shoot the baby.
  • Can you please just eat your boogers?
  • No, please don't tear off my mole.
  • That's enough with the acrobatic nursing; you're hurting my boobies.
  • Get your shoe out of your mouth.
  • Can you hold on a second? I think Clara has poop on her hand.
  • Stop drinking out of the pirate’s head!
  • Please stop dropping banana into Mommy’s shirt.
  • That was so funny that if I hadn't been doing my pelvic floor exercises, I would have peed in my pants.
  • I can't understand you while you're holding your tongue.
  • I've told you I'm busy! I can't come eat you right now; you'll have to occupy yourself some other way until I am done!
  • If you fling your panties around one more time and hit your food with them, you’re going to be put in timeout.
  • No, I don’t want to suck on your fingers anymore.

1 comment:

  1. I wondered if you were going to post those sometime. Classic! I have another one..."Please don't sit on my head; you don't have a cover and your diaper's soaked through."